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建议 walking in the light
I don't want to be a God-fearing man. I believe in religion without fear.
I grew up in a Pentecostal-type faith in northeast Mississippi called the Church of God of Prophecy where my father was the pastor. At the age of 12, I was sent to a summer Bible camp where fear was the motivation for belief. One night the counselors staged a Russian takeover of the camp, simulating the assassination of our camp director. Real shotgun blasts scared us all to our knees where we begged God for salvation.
At the age of 17, I was dis-fellowshipped from my church for having premarital sex with my girlfriend. Since my father was the pastor, a meeting was arranged between me, my dad and my Sunday school teacher. I was given two options: stand and confess my sins in front of the congregation and be forgiven, or continue my evil ways and no longer be in the club. I chose to be dis-fellowshipped and became officially unaffiliated with the church.
I moved out of the parsonage, got a job in a furniture factory and bought a used mobile home for $6,000. People from the church would come by my trailer from time to time to tell me they were still praying for me, and that they hoped I would come back to Jesus before I wound up in hell. I'd just stare at the ground the way you would with a schoolyard bully and hoped they'd go away.
As the years passed by, opportunity took me all over the United States and to other countries, as well. I saw churches everywhere I went and I noticed something I'd never seen before. I met people who didn't pray to Jesus. You have to understand, where I come from the people who tried to teach me about God by using fear, also kept me from learning about other paths to God. Any variation was described as a trick of the devil.
But I saw good sincere Muslims, Buddhists and Jews all walking in the light — as they knew it. I started to believe that no one is capable of knowing God's specific identity, so I decided to seek him down my own path, because I believe that's what he wants me to do. I talk to him daily. He never says anything back but I know he's listening. I thank him for my family and friends, and I thank him for the good life I have. I still have problems like anyone else, but overall there's peace in my heart.
The people who were trying to get me to God used fear and intimidation like a hammer, beating into submission anyone who dared to question their brand of absolute truth.
The higher power I now pray to gives me love, joy and comfort. And I'm not afraid of him. I had to break away from the God I was supposed to believe in to find the God I could believe in.
在光辉中前进——“我相信”系列
我在密西西比州东北的一个名为上帝预言教堂长大。这是一个五旬节教派的教堂，而我的父亲则是那里的牧师。12岁的时候，我被送到了一个圣经夏令营。在那里，恐惧就是信仰的动力。一天晚上，夏令营的顾问们模仿一群俄国人来接管夏令营，还假装暗杀了营长。那些荷枪实弹把我们一个个吓得半死，跪在地上祈求上帝能来拯救。
17岁那一年，我因为和我的女朋友过早发生性关系而被开除出了教会。由于父亲的牧师身份，他、我主日学校的老师还有我三个人开了一场小会。他们给我两个选择：要么在圣会上罚站，坦白我的错误以请求宽恕；要么就继续我这种罪恶的行为，但是得退出教会。最后我选择了退会，正式与教会划清关系。
我搬出了牧师住所，在一家家具厂找到了工作，还花6000块钱买了一辆用过的房车作为居所。教会的人时不时会到我的拖车上来，告诉我他们依然在为我祈祷，希望我不要在去往地狱的道路上越走越远，早日回到耶稣我主的身边。这时，我便会用那种看那些运动场上抢地盘的坏孩子们的眼神盯着地面不做声，心里巴不得他们快点走。
日子一天一天过，由于各种机会，我走遍了整个美国，造访了许多国家。所到之处都会有教堂。而我也发现了一些以前从未曾发现的事情。我遇见过不向上帝祷告的人们。要知道，从前那个用恐惧来教育我什么是上帝的地方同时也未曾告诉我其他靠近上帝的方式。任何不同的信仰形式都会被他们称为魔鬼的把戏。
但是我碰见了那些虔诚的穆斯林人、佛教教徒还有犹太教的信奉者。正如他们所一直坚信的那样，他们在主神仁爱的光芒中前进。我开始相信，没有人能够弄清楚上帝到底是一个怎么样的上帝，所以我决定以自己的方式去寻找他，因为我相信这才是他想要我做的。我每天都与他交谈。虽然他从来不回答，但是我知道他一直在倾听。我感谢他赐予我家庭和朋友，也感谢他让我拥有如此美好的生活。虽然和其他人一样，我依然会面临很多问题，但是总的来说，我拥有一颗平静的内心。
那些试图用恐惧和威胁使我信仰上帝的人，用这只恐惧和威胁之锤使那些胆敢质疑他们对上帝的昭昭信仰之心的人屈服。
如今，我所祷告的那位神主赐予了我爱、愉悦与舒心。我并不畏惧他。只有打破那个人们认为我应该信仰的神，我才能找到那个我自己所信仰的神。
