最新人力资源备忘录——外企不易混啊

Latest HR Memo

最新人力资源备忘录

——外企不易混啊

来源：网络    作者：佚名    译者：树格

To all Employees:

Effective January 2008

给所有的员工：

2008年1月起生效

 

Dress Code

1. It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary. If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a pay raise.

2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a pay raise.

3. If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a pay raise.

穿着

1.建议你工作时穿着要和你的薪水相匹配。如果我们看到你穿着普拉达的鞋子和提着古琦的包包，我们会认为你财务状况很好，因而不需要加薪。

2.如果你穿得很寒碜，你需要学习更好地管理你的钱财，那样你可以买更好的衣服，因此你也无需加薪。

3.如果你穿得很适合，这正适合你的身份，因此你也不需要加薪。

 

Sick Days

We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.

病假

我们不再需要医生出具的病历证明。如果你能够去看医生，你也能来工作。

 

Holiday Days

Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.

休假

每个员工每年都会有104天的个人时间——它们就是周六和周日。

 

Compassionate Leave

This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-workers. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend to the arrangements. In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early.

批假

不工作是没有任何接口的。你并不能为你死去的朋友、亲人或同事们干些什么。应当努力确保没有员工参与追悼会的安排。极少数情况下当员工的参加是必须时，追悼会要安排在下午的晚些时候；我们很高兴地允许你午餐时间一直工作，然后提前一小时下班去参加追悼会。

 

Toilet Use

1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the cubicles.

2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle door will open, and your picture will be taken.

3. After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the company notice board under the "Chronic Offenders" category.

4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sanctioned under the company’s mental health policy.

如厕

1.很多的时间被消耗在厕所里。现在一个精确的3分钟限制装置安装在洗手间里。

2.3分钟过后，警报器会响起，厕纸卷会反应，洗手间的门会打开，你会被拍照。

3.违规二次后，你的相片将会被贴在公司公告栏的“如厕违反者”目录下。

4.任何在相片中面带笑容的人将会根据公司的身体健康政策进行处罚。

 

Lunch Break

1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more so that they can look healthy.

2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure.

3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast.

午餐

1.瘦削的人花30分钟吃午餐，为了看起来健康，他们要吃很多。

2.正常体型的人花15分钟吃午餐，为了保持体形，他们吃均衡的食物。

3.丰满的人花5分钟吃午餐，因为随时都要喝快速瘦身饮料。

 

Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are an employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplation, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere.

感谢您对我们公司的忠诚。记住我们是个首选的雇主，在这里我们提供正面的雇佣经验。因此，所有的疑问、意见、担忧、抱怨、挫折、激怒、恼怒、托词、谴责、顾虑、惊恐和起哄都要指向别处。